心理學知識特快-首頁

如何不去擔心別人的想法

Categories: self improvement

Have you ever changed your mind, backed out of something or even given up on a dream … because you were afraid of what someone else might think of you?

你是否因為擔心別人的看法而改變主意，或者遲疑甚至放棄自己的夢想？

I』m betting that you』re a kind, thoughtful person. You want to make the people around you happy, and – naturally enough – you want them to think well of you.

我肯定你是一個善解人意的人。你希望周邊的人快樂，因而自然的，你希望他們對你抱有好感。

There』s nothing wrong with that: it』s part of emotional intelligence, and it』s a good thing.

這種想法沒有錯，它是具有情商的表現，是件好事。

But it can go too far.

但是它也可能物極必反。

If you』re constantly worried about what friends, family, colleagues or even strangers in the street might think, then you』re using up a huge amount of energy worrying (and you』re probably holding yourself back from your real goals).

如果你總是擔心你的朋友、家人、同事甚至街邊路人的想法，你就費勁精力卻遲遲達不到你的真正目的。

This is a tough habit to get out of – but the below steps should help.

這種想法很難擺脫，但是下面的步驟可能幫助你。

Step #1: Ask Yourself What Matters to You

步驟一：問問自己在乎什麼

I sometimes worry what people will think of my clothes, or my hair. The thing is, though, physical appearance really isn』t that important to me. Sure, I like to look presentable – but I』ve got virtually zero interest in fashion, and I don』t generally wear makeup.

我有時擔心人們對我的服飾或髮型的看法。問題是，外表對我來說並不那麼重要。當然，我希望穿著整潔，但是我基本上對時尚沒什麼興趣，而且大部分時間也不化妝。

It』s okay to have different values from the people around you. Maybe you hate cooking, even though your mom thinks you should be preparing a meal from scratch every night. Maybe you can』t stand the gym, even though your best friend works out every day.

如果你跟周圍的人價值觀不同，其實沒什麼關係。也許你討厭烹飪，但是你媽媽認為你應該每天都做一頓完整的晚餐。也許你無法堅持去健身房，但是你的好朋友卻每天鍛鍊。

Be clear and honest with yourself about what really matters to you. Sure, other people might judge you for not meeting up to their standards – but if you』re true to your own goals and values, then you know you』ve got your priorities right.

清醒地認識到什麼對自己最重要，並且誠實以對。當然別人會用他們的標準來評判你，但是如果你忠實於自己的目標和價值觀，你就已經建立了良好的形象。

Step #2: Remember That They』re Not All Watching You

步驟二：記住， 別人並不總在注意你。

When I was a teen, I was bullied at school – and even now I find myself worrying that other people are looking at me, maybe even laughing behind my back.

當我十多歲的時候，我在學校裡被欺負了，直到現在我還擔心別人盯著我看，可能還在背後嘲笑我。

The truth is, though, I』m not the centre of the world – and neither are you! Most of the people around you are far too busy going about their own lives to think much about you.

事實上，我並不是這個世界的焦點，你也不是！你身邊的大部分都忙於自己的事而無暇注意你。

Maybe you think you said something really dumb at that party, or maybe you』re convinced that the zit on your nose is so obvious, or that everyone』s talking about that mistake you made last week … the truth is, they probably haven』t even noticed whatever it is that you』re worrying about.

也許你覺得自己在聚會上說的話很垃圾，或者你覺得鼻子上的青春痘很醒目，又或者你相信每個人都在討論你上週犯的錯誤……但實際上，人們可能根本沒有注意到你擔憂的這些東西。

Step #3: Recognizhat Their Opinion Can』t Hurt You

步驟三：意識到別人的意見是無法傷害你的

So – you』re clear about what really matters and you know that you』re not the centre of attention. Still, there』ll be cases where people make a judgment about you. Maybe it』s at work, or when you』re with friends, or just when you』re out and about.

雖然你清楚什麼對你是重要的，你也不是眾人焦點，但是你仍然有時會被別人評論。可能是在工作中，跟朋友聚會時或出門的時候。

In most situations, people』s opinions can』t hurt you. Sure, that mouthy kid down the road might yell something rude about your haircut, but there』s no way his opinion can affect your life (unless you let it).

大部分的情況下，別人的意見是無法傷害你的。當街上多嘴的孩子粗魯地批評你的髮型時，他的批評根本不可能影響你的生活（除非你讓它影響）。

There are a few cases where opinions will make a difference – for instance, your boss』s opinion of you – but are you worrying about the people who matter in your life, or the ones who really don』t?

在極少的情況下事情會有不同，比如，你老闆對你的意見，但是這取決於你擔憂的是你生命中重要的人還是不重要的人。

You could spend your whole life trying to make strangers and casual acquaintances think good things about you (maybe by spending hours doing your hair every single time you set foot outside your house, or by paying for an expensive car that you can』t really afford). The people who really matter, though, your family and friends, are going to love you for who you are.

你可以花一輩子的時間讓一個陌生人或關係一般的熟人對你抱有好感（比如每次出門就花數小時打理你的髮型，或者買輛超過承受能力的車）。而真正重要的人，比如家人朋友是無論如何都會愛你的。

Step #4: Accept That You Can』t Control What People Think

步驟四：你無法控制別人的想法，接受這一點。

If you』re a bit of a control-freak like me, this is a tough one – but you can』t control people』s thoughts. You』ve got no idea what might go through their head, or why.

如果你跟我一樣有點控制狂，但是你是無法控制別人的想法的。你搞不清楚別人的想法和原因。

Different people respond in very different ways. Maybe your friend is really impressed when he sees someone wearing a flashy watch – but you think that person shouldn』t splash money around. Other people will think all sorts of things about you, and their thoughts will say more about them than they do about you.

每個人的想法都不同。也許你的朋友因為別人戴了一個炫目的手錶而注意他，但是你覺得那個人買這個表浪費錢。別人總是會在腦海裡評價你，他們想的比表現出來的要多。

Other people』s thoughts – good, bad or indifferent – are their own. Enjoy your own life to the full; you can』t please everyone all of the time, and there』s no need to try to. Next time you』re worrying about what someone might think of you, ask yourself can their thoughts really affect me? … and get on with whatever you want to do.

別人的想法——好的，壞的，不同的——都是他們的想法。盡情享受你的生活，你不能總是取悅別人，也沒有必要這麼做。下次你再擔心別人對你的看法時，問問你自己他們的想法是否真的能夠影響你？然後繼續你要做的事情。